


between easels

by anniebibananie (alindy)



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, they're so in love with each other and they just don't know it holy shmoley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-07 22:14:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15917337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alindy/pseuds/anniebibananie
Summary: They fell in love the way Lardo fell in love with all the art in her life—between easels, around canvas, scattered with paint like constellations only the two of them knew. Falling in love with Shitty was no different





	between easels

**Author's Note:**

> my first shitty & lardo! this ship deserves more fic so i was like, dude guess i have to write it dang. i literally have no energy to edit this rn so sorry i'll come back and fix that later.

                                                     

* * *

* * *

 

 

 

> **_Open/Close, 2012_ **
> 
> Oil on canvas.

 

Lardo kept her eyes forward as they entered. It wasn’t actually that big of a deal, and this was _Shitty_ they were talking about. He was overly supportive in almost any endeavour his teammates could dream up. There was no chance this ended _poorly._

Her art was important, though. When words failed her and actions were difficult, art was where all of her feelings could go. It was her safe space. It was where the world melted away and things started to finally, beautifully make sense. If Shitty didn’t get that… she gulped and stopped in front of the piece that was her current project.

His height cast a shadow over her as the setting sun’s light rippled through the large window. It hit the artwork in a way that made the gold colors shimmer. When Lardo turned to eye him, his face was open, his lips curling at the edges, his eyes narrowed in contemplation.

“I have to say, I don’t really get art,” Shitty said, never letting his eyes leave the canvas, “but dude, you’re good. I feel like I understand this? Maybe differently than it’s meant, but it feels as if it could be up for interpretation. It’s this loop that continues on, so it’s forever going but forever closing.”

She tilted her head, eyeing his face as it scanned the work. When he turned, he looked sheepish.

“Sorry, should I not analyze? I don’t want to ruin the sanctity of the process or something.”

“Don’t sweat it,” Lardo said, hitting her shoulder against his side. “I like your analysis. I wouldn’t have showed you if I didn’t want your opinion.”

“I love it, genuinely,” he said with a nod. “It feels like you, you know.”

“How’s that?”

Shitty eyed the work more, bringing a fist underneath his chin. Lardo didn’t know if that was naturally the position he wanted to be in or he was just fucking with her. It didn’t bother her, though.

“It’s clear there’s so much here, right? Like open and full of energy and all these different ways you could move to continue the loop, but it’s hard to get the right access point. Once you can get past that surface, though. Poof. You could loop around for forever.”

Her throat felt dry, and she scratched at the side of her neck to keep the flush at bay. “Sure you aren’t a poet all of a sudden, Knight?”

“Not likely.” He scoffed, and then he reached over to loop his arm around her neck and tug her into his side. He placed a kiss on the top of her head with a dramatic flourish before letting the contact drop. “Art begets art, though.”

“So, you think I’m going to pass?” she asked.

“Flying colors.” He nodded. “Freshman year finished with a flair.”

Lardo let her eyes trail over the circles of her work. If you looked at it with the right angle, it looked like they were stacked on one another. Like you could reach your hand in and there was depth. Freshman year had brought a lot of new things in her life, a lot of changes, but maybe the weight beside her was one of the most important. She couldn’t imagine a life anymore that didn’t involve Shitty, and the hockey team. Her personal circle had expanded and tightened in the most miraculous way possible.

“Thanks,” Lardo said. “For coming. And for being here.”

“Always. Anywhere.”

Most people, Lardo was fairly sure she wouldn’t believe that. Maybe it would feel conditional. But with Shitty she didn’t doubt it for a second.

 

 

 

 

 

 

> _**Seven Hours, 2012** _
> 
> Digital color print.

 

It was in the way the sunset was casting a pink glow over the whole room, over her body, so strong it almost didn’t seem real, that made her pull out the DSLR from her camera bag. She was meant to be meeting some other kids in her program to get drinks for the night, but suddenly she was rifling through her pens and paints until she could find the right shade of red.

Then it was a mess. She stripped down to just her sports bra, drawing lines over her collarbone and over her skin. A red x where her shoulder met her neck. A black no across the length of her side. A delicate, cursive _here_ in the spot above her left breast that was a delicate secret only a few shared.

It was a race against time as the light began to fade to a more yellowish hue, but Lardo bent and curved her body for the camera. Her white bed sheet was hung in front of the wall and it was just her and her body and the secrets she was sharing. As soon as the pink had faded she was done.

She didn’t know what to do with the photos. They were more for herself than anyone else, and she wanted to play with the editing, but she opened one on her phone that made her feel the exact way she had wanted. Her body curved inward over her knees, head resting on her shoulder, and the _here_ peaking out.

“Larissa! You ready to go? We’re leaving in five,” came a voice through the door.

“One second!” she yelled back as she threw on a shirt to tuck into her jeans. She sent the picture to Shitty without a second thought, because if anyone was going to get it it was him.

The reply came later after she’d had two drinks and was swaying to music. Her phone vibrated, and she looked at it lazily without memory of what it could be.

_For being so far away, this made me feel like I was with you._

_Missing my best friend._

She swayed some more, drank until her body was swimming, and pretended to forget the dreams where she contemplated the maps that would line his body.

_Missing you too_

 

 

 

 

 

 

> _**Wheat Dreams, 2013** _
> 
> Red solo cups, ping pong balls, fishing wire.

 

“You didn’t,” Bitty said, staring up at the mobiles as they twirled above their heads. The cups were all left over from the party the week before, names still written on the sides in illegible sharpie. The ping pong balls hung lower, and when they all moved at the right speed with the wind it was sort of beautiful. That was what Lardo had been hoping for, anyways.

Lardo shrugged. “I had to do an installation of sorts. Something using unconventional pieces. Ta-da.”

“Feels like the right time to pull out my Buttermilk Whisky pie with this much alcohol inspiration floating around. You hungry?” Bitty asked.

“I can always eat,” Lardo said, “especially when you’re cooking.”

“Come hang out with me in the kitchen when you’re done,” Bitty said. He patted her arm and shot her a wide smile. “It’s cool, Lardo. A+ material.”

She smiled back as he left the living room to move to the kitchen, turning back to the fifth mobile she was making. It wasn’t hard, but the twine had to be properly pulled through the cups and the balls in the right way or they wouldn’t hang right. If she could finish this one up and get it hung, she was good as gold. A few pictures, and she would be all set for her presentation Monday.

It wasn’t normally in her nature to be stupid, but she couldn’t _reach_ and for a house filled with tall, strapping dudes there didn’t seem to be any around when she needed them. So, she stood on the rolling desk chair with the balance of someone who was not accident-prone but understood the danger she was placing herself in. It wasn’t her best move, but she felt confident she could do it quickly without incident.

“You got this, Duan,” she muttered as she creeped up on her toes.

Shitty came through the door, and she was rather proud of herself for remaining still at the noise.

“Nuh uh. Not today,” Shitty said as he threw down his backpack and came over to the chair. He crouched immediately, offering his shoulders for her.

Lardo didn’t waste a moment before throwing one thigh over his shoulder, balancing herself with a hand, and then throwing over the other. “I wouldn’t normally, but I wanted to get this done.”

“I would have been so pissed if you fell and cracked your head. Especially before you got to finish this epic display. It’s like an artistic shrine to yourself.”

Lardo shrugged before focusing on hanging up the last mobile. It swung in the air flow of the room, and she tapped the top of his head to let him know he could let her down. Shitty moved to the couch and bent down so she could crawl off of him. Then she was standing on the couch, and he turned to look at her.

“Hi,” he said, smiling wide. It made Lardo’s heart constrict a little.

“Hey.”

“Cool art display.” He pointed upward, like she wouldn’t know what it was he was talking about.

“Thanks.” She crept to the end of the sofa and reached out an extended arm, pointing to the first mobile she had hung closer to the door. “If you look real close…”

Shitty narrowed his eyes and paused, watching the first mobile turn slowly. Then there they were. Two names—Lardo “Pong Queen” and Shitty “Willing Assistant”. The mobile stalled long enough for them to stare for a minute before it rotated again out of sight.

“Immortalized,” he said. “Sick. We’re art.”

Lardo watched Shitty watch them all turn slowly, and a part of her felt like Shitty was art. He was sorta stunning, not only in looks but everything he was. There were moments Lardo couldn’t believe she had gotten so lucky with him. There were days and nights she tried to pretend she didn’t feel something for him that was dangerous, all-consuming if she let it. It was probably just the artist in her to feel something passionately that hadn’t even begun yet, but it also felt like they had begun a long time ago. They were in the middle of a long story.

“We’re beautiful enough for it,” she said.

His smile widened, and he sent a heady wink. “Aren’t we ever. I unfortunately gotta study. You wanna come hang and do work?”

“I’m going to go chill with Bitty for a little. Maybe I’ll join you after?”

“Whatever you want, Duan.” He reached out for a high five, and she gave it.

She hopped off the couch, the house rattling slightly. He left, and the mobiles kept spinning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **_Intimates, 2013_ **
> 
> Digital color print.

 

“I cannot believe you actually got Jack on board with this,” Shitty said.

Lardo shrugged. “I can’t believe I got Dex on board.”

“Crazy talented in every medium, Lards.”

They stared at the black and white photos covering the floor. Nursey curved against a tree in only small jean shorts. Jack in the locker room. Dex in the basement with little left to the imagination. Intimate photos in personally intimate locations.

“I should probably never share these with the whole team, right? Or the general public?”

Shitty nodded. “They probably wouldn’t be able to handle the hotness.”

She whistled in agreement. “Definitely not.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

> _**Junior Art Show, 2014** _
> 
> Styrofoam, plastic crystals, oil paint.

 

 

“Fuck me.”

Lardo looked up, pausing her movements. Shitty was holding his finger between his lips, eyeing the bejeweler with narrowed eyes.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“‘Swasome, dude. But this machine definitely knows how to fuck up an innocent finger.” His hair was falling out of its ponytail, and he took his finger out of his mouth to readjust it.

Lardo held out her hand, and as soon as Shitty was done he laid his hand flat in her palm. His skin had gotten pinched in the machine, and she appraised it before pulling a bandaid from her back pocket and wrapping it around.

“All set.”

“That was some boy or girl scout level of preparedness,” Shitty said.

Lardo held up her hand, showing two bandaids of her own. “I really can’t thank you enough.”

He shrugged, already back on task. “What’s a best friend for, bro?”

Lardo scratched her leg as she watched him for a beat longer. What would she do without him when he graduated? What if he ended up far away?

“Apparently beweling at 4 am.”

Shitty laughed, and Lardo did, too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **_Dream Landscapes, 2014_**
> 
> Acrylic on canvas.

 

“Shitty, I need–” Her hands were motioning in spirals around her, hair probably wild and on end. She was wearing an oversized sweatshirt of Ransom or Holster’s, she couldn’t remember which, and Shitty was looking up at her with bleary, tired confusion.

“What do you need?” He asked. He leaned up on one elbow, the blanket slipping down to reveal his bare torso. As he watched her, he ran a hand through his hair.

And there was something about the way he said it. Like he would truly give her whatever she asked for, that made Lardo want to forget about the midnight inspiration entirely. She wanted to curl beside him on the couch. She wanted to touch his skin. She wanted to break through the wobbling line that separated friends and the dangerous more they had straddled for so unbearably long.

She did none of that. “I had an idea,” she said, and he nodded.

As he sat up, he paused to rub the sleep out of his eyes. “I’m assuming you need me?”

“Can you sleep in my room, please?” she asked. “You can go back to sleep I just need you there.”

“It was my room first, y’know.” His lips fluttered before breaking into a tired smile. “I don’t know if I like the idea that you just need my sleeping form as comfort or you need me asleep for inspiration for whatever you’re doing more.”

She shrugged, but it didn’t stop the smile on his face when he wrapped his comforter around his shoulders like a cape. As soon as they were up the stairs and into her room, he fell onto the bed that used to be his before he had left it for her.

“Mattress feels the same,” he mumbled into her pillows.

Lardo hummed in agreement, already lost as she spread out her paints in front of her. She flipped off the overhead light and switched to the softer lamps she had, feeling bad about the harsh lighting for Shitty. She thought again about how willing he was to do whatever she asked, and promptly thought about anything else.

He sighed big and happy, and Lardo looked up to see his eyes closed and his lips tilted up.

“What?” she asked.

“I miss this,” he said.

“The Haus?”

“Yeah,” he said before peeking out an eye. “But also you and your art. Getting to just be in the space of creativity and all of it.”

Lardo worked her bottom lip between her teeth as she mixed white and a cerulean shade to find the lightness she was looking for. “Obviously, I miss you around,” she said as she motioned with a hand at him on the mattress. “Feels more right when you’re here.”

He smiled so wide it made Lardo snort. His smiles were so frequent, so infectious. Every time she thought she’d gotten used to them they knocked her off her balance again. Shitty was a force of nature to behold.

“When I graduate you should live with me…” He trailed off, his voice falling softer again. His lids drooped, and Lardo knew from experience that sleep was coming and fast at that. “Plenty o’ art space.”

His soft breaths signalled sleep, and Lardo took the opportunity to watch the stretches and angles of his face. That was why she had needed him in here, anyways.

“Okay,” she said to him, though she knew he was asleep. It was harmless to make promises to the unconscious. “And I’ll tell you I love you.”

She could have sworn his lips curved upward in sleep.

 

 

The light peaked through her curtain, too warm and too bright. When Lardo finally opened her eyes, her body laid gracelessly on the ground next to her paints, she saw shades of blue streaked on her arm and Shitty still in her bed. He was shifting under the blankets, and she smelled coffee coming from somewhere in the distance.

Just as she was about to push herself up from the floor, his phone blared to life. It was something loud and poppy, more beat than music, and he jolted awake. The music stopped, and he turned to eye her on the floor.

“Morning,” he said, his voice still thick with sleep. Then his eyes caught on the painting, and he froze.

It had taken most of the evening. Lardo didn’t remember exactly what time it was when she finally fell into a few hours of sleep by accident (she would have slipped into bed with Shitty if she was really going to bed, their physical boundaries had always been ill-defined), but it was late. The inspiration and two cups of coffee had pushed her to near completion.

“I only have to do one more thing now that the paint is set,” she said before reaching toward her box of spray paints. They clattered as she searched for the perfect one. It was gold, and when she stood to spray she noticed how much more of her skin was covered in colors of blue and white and gold. The spray covered the painting in one more glittering layer of gold sparkle, which she artfully sprayed to move with the curve of the face that made up most of the work.

“Lar…” he trailed off, suddenly behind her. His face was still shocked, taking all of the painting in with awe.

Most of the team was more than supportive if Lardo showed them her work. Bitty always supported her with baked goods. Nursey was fun because he analyzed in a fascinating, articulate way. But Lardo liked showing Shitty her paintings the most, probably because he always had at least a little bit of awe when he stared at whatever she had done. It was selfish, maybe, but it made her feel good. He always treated her art as if it was something that truly deserved undivided attention, something worthy of staring upon, something beautiful.

“You like it? It’s kinda reminds me of you,” she said, echoing something he’d said to her all those times ago when she was showing him her art for the very first time.

It was more plain to the eye here, though, where you could see the lines of Shittys face painted between stars. It was more profile, though the profile melted into the rest of the sky, and his eye was a planet. His nose more comet than nose. The scars and divots of his face stars and galaxies.

“How could I ever not love this, man? It’s… perfect.” He looked at her when he spoke, and it made her feel perfect, too. He had said compliments to her before, but right now when he said it she felt overwhelmed.

His hair was wild, even if it was shorter, and his eyes were still filled with sleep but incredibly fond and amazed. There wasn’t a shirt on his body, and she had to tilt up to look at him. How could she be anything but in love with her best friend when he looked like that? When he was so kind and beautiful and everything she could ask for in someone? When he loved her so fully and openly in response? God, they weren’t _dating_ but the depth of feeling they had for each other felt so much deeper than that word could ever hold.

She was clearly tired and confused. Her eyes snapped back to the painting, and she tried to snap herself out of that. She didn’t let her emotions whirl and control her like that, take her away from rationality. It wasn’t wrong, but it was dangerous. Because Shitty wasn’t around constantly anymore, and it was still so long before she was at least graduated.

“Sometimes, it’s almost like you’re not real,” Lardo said, staring at the painting and refusing to look at him. Despite feeling his warmth so heavily next to her. Despite wanting to.

“Fuckin’ hell, you drew me as a universe, and I’m the one that's not real,” he said. “Larissa Duan…”

He didn’t finish, and Lardo was okay with that. She didn’t know what he would say, and it wasn’t that she thought he would say something that wasn’t perfect. It was simply already perfect, the idea of whatever Shitty would finish that thought with. He always knew how to appreciate her art.

 

 

 

 

 

 

> _**Untitled, 2014** _
> 
> Sharpie.

 

There were times where Shitty’s shorter hair really threw Lardo off. They were lying on the roof, halfway through a joint they were passing back and forth, and she turned to look at him. Maybe it was because for a moment it had felt like old times, and she had forgotten that this was just another night where he would eventually have to leave.

“We shouldn’t have smoked,” she said as she fell back onto the tiles. “You’re going to have to wait before driving back.”

Shitty was leaned forward, forearms on knees as he stared out across the lawn and into the darkened town. Lardo could hear him shuffle and smoke.

“Jack texted me about getting breakfast tomorrow. So, I thought I might just stay.”

Lardo shifted onto her side, taking the joint as he offered it to her. With her elbow propping up her head, she could watch his profile. Even in a blazer and with short hair, he still felt undeniably like _Shitty._

“You’re going to be here through tomorrow?”

“Yeah. That a problem?” he asked.

She chuckled and threw herself at him, making the two of them turn once one way and then flip back as Shitty took control. Lardo hit her elbow into his stomach, and the two broke apart with a laugh.

“You can stay with me instead of the couch,” Lardo said. “Only because that thing is a real fucking health violation.”

“A real fucking bro,” he said. “God, I miss not having to watch every single thing I say.”

“Law students suck? Big shocker.” Lardo stubbed out the joint on the roof.

“Hey, I’m a law student.”

“You’re an exception.” She cleared her throat. “Most of the time.”

“Oh, fuck off…” he began, reaching out to her, but she slipped past him and back through the window. She hopped onto the floor of her bedroom, once Shitty’s, and moved to give him enough space to do the same. “I never asked what that was.”

She looked up from her drawer where she was finding something to change into to see him pointing to the wall right by her door. It had height lines and names and dates all written in Sharpie. “Guests mark their height. It’s cool ‘cause usually the average heights start to blend together and names get lost, except in a hockey house you’re all fucking tall as hell so it’s not quite what I expected it to look like.”

“Can I add mine?” he asked as he threw off his blazer, leaving only the blue t-shirt underneath. She nodded, grabbing a chair from her desk and dragging it across the floor next to him.

“Stand tall,” she said. He did, and she marked just above his head. “Want to write your own name?”

He signed it with a flourish that belonged solely to him. “Thank you for letting me be apart of more of your art.”

Before Lardo could hop down, he was grabbing her around the waist and throwing her onto the mattress. She had managed to wrap her legs around his waist in the movement, though, and she pulled him down on top of herself. When they pulled apart, their faces were too close.

Usually, when Lardo thought about what kissing Shitty would be like, it resulted from an inebriated state. A kegster gone wild. A dare, maybe. It was bad, but it was mostly because Lardo couldn’t hope to have Shitty in that way in fullness. In actuality.

She really wasn’t sure who moved first, but suddenly they were kissing. Heavy, heady kissing, and Lardo didn’t want it to stop. Shitty, in the brief moment before they collided, had looked at her with such seriousness and intensity she felt her core tighten. Her hands reached up to his hair, digging her fingers into the short locks and pulling him as close as possible.

He pulled back for a simple second, the two of them pausing to see if either of them were going to stop this. When neither said anything, they pushed back into action. Shitty was kissing down her neck and over her chest. Her tank top was easy to push, and he looked up through hooded lids for permission which she gave with a breathless nod. Then her tank top was pushed down and his mouth was covering a nipple.

“Shits,” she hissed. She could feel him smile as he released the nipple to lick around, ghosting a breath before going back to tug it lightly between his teeth. He kissed down to her navel, and when he looked up at her it was pure satisfaction. “Oh, fuck you.”

She twisted their bodies around, riding his hips as she pushed his chest back to lay flat. His shirt came off a second later, and just because _fuck it_ she threw hers off as well. He reached up to lay his palm flat against her stomach and ran it up over to her breast, but she pushed it away to move forward and kiss him hard against his lips.

Her teeth tugged on his bottom lip as she pulled away, and then she was pushing down his body and tugging down his pants. He was erect underneath the boxers, which were appropriately themed with the Samwell logo all over them. She rolled her eyes and bent forward, stopping to spit on her hand before licking his tip. With her wet hand, she took the base of him, taking the rest into her mouth. As she moved up and down, she heard Shitty sigh above her.

“Holy fuck, holy… oh my God. Lards.”

She liked the sound of that too much. She liked the way he looked at her—the way he often looked at her art—like she was something worthy of awe.

“I have a condom in my desk drawer,” she said as measured as she could manage.

His hands grasped onto her hips. “I want to eat you out,” he said, and the way he said it—like it was as simple as wanting to catch a coffee with her or share a blunt—made her thighs quake.

“I want to fuck you,” she said. “Can we raincheck that?”

He nodded, eyes glued to her face. “Anything you want.”

She scurried off of him to grab the condom, pausing next to the bed to slip out of her jeans and underwear. Shitty’s eyes followed all of her movements with raw attention.

“I want to make it clear that I respect you in every possible—”

“Shitty,” Lardo said as she slipped the condom out and over his dick, “I know. And I appreciate it, but…”

He nodded, wrapping a hand around her back and moving so she was lying back on the bed. In that moment, as Shitty suckled on her collarbone above her left breast, she remembered that he had seen a map of her body. How often had he stared at that photo? Had he memorized the spots for a moment like this?

Despite Lardo telling him she wanted to fuck, his fingers found her first. He rubbed her clit slowly with his thumb, slipping one and then two fingers into her. Then he rubbed it briefly fast, a little harder, before slipping into her.

She felt her sigh with her entire body. He moved slowly at first, building up the speed in an agonizing pace. But as Lardo wrapped her legs around his waist, he moved deeper, faster. “Fuck. That's… Dude, _so good_. Just like that.”

Shitty kept at the same pace, and when she tapped his upper arm he wrapped his arm around her back again and brought them up to a sitting position. She grabbed onto his shoulder with one hand and sat the other on his knee where it sat behind her.

“You’re perfect,” he said, kissing a spot next to her mouth. “Fucking perfect. Goddamnit.”

That was the fuel she needed to ride him to her climax, him following closely behind. Her hand had moved from his shoulder to clasp tightly into the base of his hair, and his arms wrapped around her to keep her as flush with him as possible.

“That was…” he breathed in deeply, their bodies still riding the pulses of aftershock in unison, “wow.”

“That happened,” she agreed, reaching forward and kissing his shoulder. Looking at Shitty, pink and sweaty in the afterglow of sex, made her unbearably fond. It tightened her core and struck her heart. The strength of it was almost painful. She kissed his shoulder again just because she could and then kissed the other one, too. “Fucking awesome.”

They separated, and as Shitty laid himself out on the bed Lardo moved over to her dresser to throw on an oversized t-shirt.

“Where are you going?” he asked, one arm thrown behind his head.

“If I don’t pee in the next like 46 seconds I’ll get a UTI and hate you forever,” she said. “You want water while I’m up?”

“Nah, I’m good. Go pee it out, man.” He raised his fist up in solidarity, and she rolled her eyes before exiting.

The bathroom was dark, and she flipped on the switch as she stumbled to the toilet. She fucked Shitty. Her and Shitty, her and her best friend, just had sex. Her heart beat rapidly in her chest, and she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyeliner was smudged, and her hair was wild. Combing it through with her fingers, she made her way back to the bedroom.

Shitty was sitting cross legged on the bed, and she shut the door behind her before making her way over to him.

“We should talk,” he said, but his voice wasn’t scary and his smile was wide.

“Ew,” she said as she stopped at the edge, and he reached out to grasp onto her waist and pull her onto the bed. “Why don’t we take any feelings and thoughts, push them majorly down until we forget they’re there, and then talk about them to a therapist that doesn't make us feel quite comfortable in like five years?”

“Jesus, Lards. Is that how you deal with feelings on the reg? I feel like we’re pretty communicative,” Shitty said. He shifted so he was on his side, and Lardo did the same. They curved toward one another, their faces close on the same pillow. “Should I be worried?”

“Ugh,” Lardo said, puffing her hair out of her face with a huff of a breath. “No. Let’s talk.”

“I’m in Boston,” he said. “I loved everything that just happened–”

“But you’re not around, I get it,” she said. “This doesn’t have to be like _something._ ”

He paused, and Lardo tried to read what was happening inside his head. When he nodded, Lardo watched his hand curve closer to hers. “Yeah,” he said. “It’s a… thing. That we’ll revisit.”

Lardo nodded. The truth was, she would be willing to be anything to Shitty. It wasn’t as if she had that long of school left, anyways. She had tried other people—girls who spoke in poetic prose and boys who could write essays on balance in portraits—and none of them came close. Somehow, against all the odds, she went and fell in love with this stupid, big-hearted jock of a man. If only her younger self could see her now.

“But for now, I’m big spooning,” she said. “Come on, we have to get to bed for brunch tomorrow.”

He sighed, laying his arm on top of her own. “Goodnight, Larissa.”

“Goodnight, Knight.”

She kissed the nape of his neck, just because she could. And she wasn’t sure if she would ever get the chance to again.

 

 

She woke up to a note beside her pillow.

_Getting coffee. Meet you guys there. xx_

Ransom and Holster were arguing about Jerry’s brunch, which was an argument Lardo was more than willing to slip into.

“Yo, Shits! What the hell, man?” Holster called, pausing in their steps to look at the two coffees in his hands.

“Morning, lady and gentleman. It’s ‘I’m ready for mimosas’ o’clock.” He smiled wide, moving to Lardo’s side.

Ransom stuttered. “But…like, I thought you went back to Boston last night?”

Shitty handed over the coffee, and Lardo held it gratefully in her hand. “Aahhh. Well, you know.”

Lardo took a sip, pausing to give a thankful smile to Shitty. He beamed back at her. She should have never bothered being worried for a moment. Her and Shitty were unbreakable. Her and Shitty were everything.

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **_S & L, 2015_ **
> 
> Acrylic on canvas.

 

“I have a present for you,” Lardo had said. “Later.”

Shitty had nodded, and they went on with their graduation festivities. It was halfway through the kegster when they finally found a moment, the black graduation cap still tilted on her head.

Her bedroom was half-boxed up, but the present sat in the corner on an easel anyways. She had done the bulk of the work in the studio, carrying it back to her room after her final to save it for this moment.

“You know I’m supposed to get _you_ something, right?” he asked.

She shrugged. “Fuck rules.”

Her heels clacked against the wooden floor as she watched him unwrap it. The paper fell to the floor, and his entire body froze.

“Do you like it?” she asked after a minute.

“Do I… Lards,” he said, turning to her as his eyes welled up with tears.

It was similar to the daydream piece she had done at the beginning of the year, except this one was smaller and half cool colors and half warm. Half of it was the sun, the other side similar to the stars and galaxies of the original piece. They mixed in the middle. Like the first one, it had come to her in a moment of brilliance.

Something about it made her feel exactly the way she felt about the two of them. How, sometimes it felt like they were from such different, contrasting worlds, but everything about them seemed to click together so effortlessly.

“I can’t take this. It needs to be in the collection with the first one. Someone will spend money on this!” he exclaimed, looking between her and the canvas.

“It’s not for anyone,” she said. “It’s just for you.”

He set the piece back on the easel and moved toward her, grasping her in a tight hug. She hugged him back, buzzed and warm from the joy of the day. If the painting wasn’t with him, it didn’t feel right.

“My present for you,” he said as they pulled back. “I believe I owed you a raincheck.”

She snorted. “You’re joking.”

He shook his hood and raised an eyebrow.

After a beat, she moved to the bed and sat on the edge. Shitty followed, bending down and pushing her skirt slowly up her thighs. Every few inches he leaned forward to kiss his way up her thighs. He pushed them further apart slowly. He dipped forward and kissed the edge of her underwear before teasing it with his finger. Her breath caught in her throat.

“You want this?” he asked. As if she could look at him looking up at her from between her thighs and ever say no. She nodded. He took off her underwear.

He started by teasing her, kissing around her, grazing a finger over her, but then he got closer and closer to where she needed him the most. By the time he finally sucked on her clit, she was gasping with need.

“Fuck you, Shits,” she said in a breathless need. The reverberations of his chuckle somehow aroused her more.

His slipped a finger into her, pulsing, and then another. One curved to hit her g-spot and the other circled to give her intense sensation. His mouth was still over her, licking up and over her clit. He sucked, repetitively giving her pressure, and she arched toward his mouth.

“Oh my God, right there. I’m going to cum,” she said, grabbing onto his hair.

He did as he was told, sticking to the spot she requested and staying in place until she cried out in orgasm. His face stayed where it was as she rode the wave afterward.

“I don’t think anyone can beat that as a grad present,” she said.

“I hope they don’t try.”

He walked her to the bathroom, where she cleaned up, and then they drank a beer. Then they played beer pong. Then they continued on as if nothing had happened, and Lardo floated through the party. Maybe now that she was graduated, now that they would be around one another, it could finally be their time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

> _**Assorted Pieces, 2015** _
> 
> Acrylic on Canvas.

 

“Lardo, you need a bed,” Shitty said from the open door.

She shrugged as she hung another piece on her wall. “Says who?”

He moved over and grabbed the other side, helping to get it hooked on the nail. Her paints and construction material were all laid out and organized on and in a big dresser and unit she had found at a garage sale. Canvases were stacked in all the corners. A shelf held a million water cups and mugs.

“How are you going to sleep?” he asked. “You want Ransom, Holster, and me to just deal with you on the couch every day?”

“Fine,” she said. “I’ll get a twin mattress, promise. I just haven’t found the time.”

“We’ll go today,” he said, grabbing his keys and dangling them from his finger. “Holster! Ransom! You want to go to Ikea?”

Ransom appeared quickly in the doorway. “Dude, meatballs, _yes._ ”

“Decisions made. Ikea here we come,” Shitty said.

“Lardo, that one is new, right?” Holster asked as he appeared behind Ransom. The two of them were as bad at personal space as Shitty and her, Ransom practically leaning back into his chest.

He was pointing to a piece that hung in the middle of her canvases. Smaller, a collision of colors. “Yeah, it’s newer,” she said. She had done it right after graduation. It had taken two days of hiding herself up in her room, no contact and barely eating, to get it right.

Her eyes followed Shitty’s as he watched it, following the lines of her paint with his eyes. Could he possibly understand everything she had put in it? When he looked at her, his head tilted to the side and she looked away.

They were in an apartment now, and they hadn’t brought up their two moments of sexual intimacy at all. Maybe they were simply in the past, never to be mentioned again.

“I love it,” Holster said.

“Thanks guys,” she said. “To Ikea.”

They marched out the apartment, but not before Shitty looked back one more time. Lardo pretended not to see.

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **_Sweet As, 2016_ **
> 
> Spray paint on cardboard.

 

Shitty carried it in from the car, which Lardo thought was pretty nice all things considered. The piece wasn’t exactly _small._

“I didn’t think cardboard would be this difficult to move. Dude, how are we going to get this through the _door_.”

“Stop whining. Tilt it to the side!” Lardo called, holding the tail end as he did just that.

They slipped it into the living room without problem. Holster and Ransom were discussing something as they carried in alcohol, some reality TV show they could never convince Lardo to get in on.

“His parents and him should be here any minute,” Jack said as he appeared from the front door. “I was able to run ahead.”

“Sweet,” Lardo said, looking over her work. It was made just for Bitty, and the dream of his she wished could desperately someday come true.

 

 

“I’ve never had anyone make me such beautiful art before,” Bitty said a few drinks in later, staring at the piece with wide eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever had _anyone_ make me art before.”

“Well, you’re making us art in your pies all the time. You deserve it,” Lardo said, hitting his hip with her own.

“I don’t know how I got so lucky with such good friends,” Bitty said, his eyes tearing up.

“Because you deserve them,” Lardo said, finishing the rest of her drink. “You’re the best of all of us, dude.”

“You really think I can have a bakery someday?” he asked.

“Without a doubt,” she said with a nod.

“Bitty! Beer pong!” Chowder called.

Bitty looked back at her, and she motioned for him to go. A minute later Jack appeared at her side, offering her another drink. He watched Bitty playing, a soft smile on his lips.

“You’re so in love,” Lardo said.

Jack shrugged. “Guilty.” He took a sip. “As if you aren’t.”

When Jack motioned to the other end of the table, where Shitty was watching on with Ransom and Holster, Lardo felt her heart constrict. Fuck if he wasn’t right.

“Dude, it’s the worst.”

He shrugged again, constantly cool. Lardo kinda loved that about him. “How many times have you told me it’ll come together when it’s the right time? When will it ever be the right time?”

“I’m too drunk for this,” she said.

He laughed. “You aren’t drunk.”

“We’re friends. Don’t call me out like this,” she replied.

“What else are friends for?”

Casual orgasms? She thought unhelpfully in her head, watching Shitty laugh at something Holster had yelled at Nursey. She leaned into Jack’s side, sighing dramatically.

“Can’t we just go beat them in beer pong right now?”

Jack nodded. “Friends are also for that. Come on, Duan.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **_Wash Away, 2017_ **
> 
> Watercolor on wood.

 

Her hair finally reached just below her shoulders, which she was grateful for at least in moments like these when she could throw it up into a bun and out of her face. A paintbrush sat shoved into the bun for when she would need it for detailing in a few minutes.

The windows were currently blacked out, the overhead lighting being more consistent today then the sun, so her perception of time was nonexistent.

“Lardo,” came a voice, and she jolted out of the colors of the ship on sea.

“You didn’t knock,” she said, bending forward to darken the shades of blue in the waves.

“I did. You didn’t hear me,” Shitty said. He sat down on the floor beside her, rubbing her shoulder and halting her movement. “Ransom said you’ve been locked in here all day.”

“The commision is due Friday. I guess I got taken away.”

He nodded. “So, you haven’t eaten?”

She shook her head no.

“Okay, we’re fixing that. Come on, champ. You need at least an hour break. I promise your art will still be here, but Holster made _lasagna_ and it’s actually incredibly good.”

“He always adds so much cheese into things,” she said with a blissful sigh. “Okay, a little break won’t hurt.”

“That’s my girl.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **_Hopefully, 2017_ **
> 
> Acrylic on canvas.

 

“Lardo,” Shitty called from behind the door. “You know, if it’s a present for me you’re working on I’d really much rather you take a break. Eating and drinking water is important.”

“Shut up!” Lardo called, staring at the blank canvas.

His sigh was loud through the door. “Love you, too.”

 

 

Graduation from Law School turned out to be a little less exciting than their graduation from Samwell, as far as Lardo was concerned. Everyone turned up, even Farmer on the arm of Chowder, and they all shoved into their tiny apartment to eat pies Bitty had made for the occasion. Lardo had sat on Holster’s shoulders to hang streamers from their ceilings while Ransom threw snacks into bowls. The whole place looked a little haphazard, but familiar, comfortable.

“You did it,” Jack said with a cheers, which everyone followed suit to.

“It was nothing, guys. Just glad to have my motherfucking bros all back in one space.” Shitty threw up another cheers to that, taking a hearty gulp afterward. “What’s going on with everyone else? We don’t need the day to be _all_ about me.”

“Well, I didn’t want to upstage…” Bitty began, cheeks flushed a light pink, “but I got a small business loan earlier today.”

“Holy shit,” Shitty said. “A real business man. A store owner.”

They all congratulated, hugging in groups.

“If we’re doing good news,” Ransom said as he eyed the group, Holster already beaming, “I got into medical school. I decided it was time for me to go back and really do it.”

They pushed into a group hug, laughing and cheering each other on. Lardo felt so unbelievably loved in this group of people. She shared a look with Shitty, and he smiled wide at her as if she had accomplished anything.

“When did we become adults?” she asked, and Nursey groaned.

“Stop!” Dex begged. “Nursey has been riding a fucking spiral all week long.”

“I don’t want to be in the real world!” Nursey called. “I’m a _writing_ major! Why the _fuck_ did I do that?”

Lardo patted his shoulder. “Trust me, buddy. I’ve been there.”

“We need more beers. Who needs another?” Shitty asked, receiving a handful of me’s in response. Lardo followed to help.

“Congrats graduate,” she said as she grabbed the beers he handed her.

“I have to use this degree now,” he said. “Fuck.”

“Yeah, it’s the worst, but you’re going to be a great lawyer.” She sighed, watching Shitty pop the top off another. “I have my present for you. It’s already in your room.”

He raised a brow, excitement flooding his face. They went and handed out the beers, but a few minutes later he slipped away from the crowd to go to his room. Lardo followed.

It laid on his bed, wrapped with a bow.

“Wait, this is the one you did after your graduation,” Shitty said. “You’re giving it to me?”

“It was meant for you,” she said with a shrug. “I was just scared to give it to you.”

“Scared?” he asked. He took a step closer. “Why would you be sc–”

“Shitty, where’s your– Oh, sorry guys,” Nursey said as she paused in the doorway. “Bitty said he needed help in the kitchen finding something.”

“Holster and Ransom were right there,” Lardo said. “Useless.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, watching her face with an expression she couldn’t begin to unpack. “We’ll talk later?”

Lardo nodded, though she had every intention of never finishing whatever that discussion would bring.

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **_Assorted Pieces, 2017_ **
> 
> Assorted materials.

 

“You have too many canvases,” Shitty said, grunting. He held two wide canvases in his fully extended arms as he made his way up the stairs. “You have too much art.”

Lardo shrugged, though it was difficult with a stack in her own arms. “It is, alas, my profession.”

They dropped them off in the living room as soon as they entered, collapsing onto the couch because it was the only piece of furniture in the room.

“Is it going to be weird without Ransom and Holster?” Lardo asked, staring at her own art.

He fell over onto her, laying his head in her lap. Her hands instinctively went to his hair and worked their way through his locks.

“Probably a bit at first,” he said. “But we’re never weird. We’re always perfect.”

Lardo thought about the night Ransom and Holster had told them they were moving out for Ransom’s school, and how she had plopped herself on Shitty’s bed afterward.

“So, where are we going to go?” she had asked.

His head had popped up, eyebrows scrunching together. “You don’t want to move out, too?” he asked.

She rolled her eyes. “No, dumbass. It’s you and me, obviously.”

Which was such a perfect description for the two of them in her eyes. A horribly unbearable description. She was really the dumbass for lasting this long under a lie.

All she wanted was to be with him. There were days she tried to convince herself that it was a thing of the past, that being friends was enough for her, but she couldn’t stop the images of the night they’d shared together. She couldn’t help imagining what it would be like to come home and kiss him in greeting, share the physical intimacies that were a step beyond what they shared now. Granted, there wasn’t much they hadn’t been allowed at this point, but Lardo _ached._

“It’s all ours,” Lardo said.

He nodded from his place in her lap, twisting his head to look up at her. “You’re my favorite person.”

“And obviously you’re mine.”

He groaned, twisting away from her. Lardo’s eyebrows scrunched together. “What’s up, dude? Talk to me.”

“Sometimes I think you don’t know how much I love you,” he said, his words muffled into her thigh.

Lardo took a deep breath, then released it. How did she convince the person she loved with all her heart that she _knew_ he loved her back, even though it might not be exactly the way she wanted.

She should have never slept with him. She wished she didn’t have to know any of it—the way his mouth felt, the heat of him beside her, the flush of his skin afterward—because then it would be easier to move on. Now she was stuck with memories on repeat, constantly reminding her how no one else was going to compare.

“I know you love me,” Lardo said. “I’m sorry if I’m bad at receiving it sometimes.”

“No, I just…” he turned, looking up at her with a serious expression. “I love you so much I feel like I’m going to burst sometimes.”

She rolled her eyes, but she didn’t want to make him feel bad because that was truly a sweet, beautiful thing he had said. Shaking him off her leg, she jumped up to lay next to him on the couch.

He moved his arm open in invitation, and she rested her head on his chest. Then, because the situation called for it, she threw her leg over his stomach and squeezed his whole body as closely to her as she could manage.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Keeping you from bursting.” God, if any of the hockey bros ever heard about this her street cred would fly out the window. It almost hurt her to say.

“Oh no,” he said, holding her tighter. There was a chuckle in his voice. “It just makes me love you more.”

“Fuck _off,”_ she said into a laugh, the two of them pushing and pulling the other away and closer. They fell into a breathy silence, both staring up at the ceiling. “I’m not entirely sure I know how to be loved the amount you love me, Shitty.”

The hand that had been rubbing up and down her arm paused before beginning again.

“Larissa,” he began before halting again. Then he held the side of her face, moving it so she had to be looking at him. He pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and held his palm delicately close to her cheek. “You have so much love inside of you and so much space to hold it. Why in the world would you feel like that?”

She had a good life, all things considered. She had a family that loved and supported her in her identity. In her less than practical life path. In her decisions. The friend group she was a part of was so incredibly loving and full, accepting. Her art friends, though in a more reserved way, were exactly the same. Compared to most people, Lardo was pretty fucking sure of herself.

And yet, it was as if there was this undercurrent that worked underneath everything she did. _Who are you,_ it sometimes spoke. _You’re a fraud. And someday they’ll all realize it, too._ Most days when the thoughts arose, she could lock herself and art the pain away. She loved herself, fully and wonderfully, but it didn’t stop herself from constantly feeling the pressure to prove it. I am worthy of the love I receive, she tried to yell with her actions. _Are you sure about that?_ The voice reminded her.

“I don’t really know what I deserve,” Lardo said truthfully. “I just… you’re so good, Shitty.”

“You deserve everything,” he said. “And if there are days where you need to be loved extra? Where you need to be reminded that you deserve that love? God, Lardo… I’ll do whatever you need for you to feel that.”

Lardo plopped her head back down on his chest, letting herself rise and fall with his breaths. Then she pushed herself up his body a few inches and pressed a kiss to the spot where his t-shirt stretched away from his collarbone.

“Thank you,” she whispered into the skin. She took a breath, and then she pushed herself up. “We need to get food.”

“We have more boxes,” he said. They stared at one another for a beat before he cracked. “We can order pizza, but we have to finish at least unpacking the car.

She held out her hand. “Deal.”

“Deal.” He shook.

 

 

 

 

 

 

> _**Sweet As 2.0, 2017** _
> 
> Spray paint on drywall.

 

Lardo pulled her sweater back on, feeling the chill from the outside in Bitty’s unfinished storefront. The heating was still spotty, and despite her movement giving her some warmth and the little heater they had placed in the main space as she worked, her hands were starting to tighten up.

“It’s so sophisticated yet fun,” Bitty said as he paused to look at it. He had been smiling all day to the point that Lardo thought his cheeks must be hurting. “I can’t thank you enough for doing this.”

“It was a gift,” Lardo said, smiling down at him from the rung of the ladder she stood on as she painted up top. “You know I’d do anything for you, Bits.”

“My goodness, you are too much,” he said, wiping away at a stray tear. “I just can’t believe this whole place is actually mine.”

She climbed down, moving closer to give him a hug. The fact that Bitty’s dream was going to be accomplished filled her with so much joy and gratitude. There was enough shit in the world, but thank God good people could still get what they deserved sometimes.

“You deserve every ounce of it.”

“I missed a group hug?” Shitty called from the doorway before rushing over to enclose the two more fully.

“Ew, you’re sweaty,” Lardo said as she pushed back.

Shitty looked offended, huffing and crossing his arms. “Some of us are untalented swine and thus are only good for moving heavy objects, Larissa. How fucking _dare–”_

“Okay, okay.” She held up her hands in surrender. “I am so very sorry.”

“Shitty get back in here! I need you,” Jack called.

“My cue,” he said with a bow before exiting. Lardo snorted.

When she turned back to Bitty, he was staring at her.

“Please don’t.”

“Why aren’t you two together!” Bitty exclaimed. “You’ve done the deed, you tell each other you love each other openly, you _live_ together…”

“Did the deed? You really are a grandma.”

“Honey,” he said, raising a brow. “Conversation change.”

“I don’t know!” She threw up her hands. “I used to think it was because we were waiting until it was easier, and I was graduated. Then I graduated, and it just didn’t happen. We didn’t talk about it. We kept coexisting the way we always had and as time kept moving forward it got harder. And harder. And now I have no idea how to tell my best friend that I’m so desperately in love with them I don’t even know how to process the feelings.”

Bitty came over and wrapped his arms around her middle. “Oh lord. We should have had an intervention sooner.”

She let her head fall to his shoulder. “I’m a stupid mess.”

He patted her shoulder, and before the conversation could continue Shitty was appearing back in the doorway.

“Hey Bitty, Jack needs your help with something in the kitchen? They’re trying to figure out layout.”

Shitty walked closer to Lardo, patting Bitty on the shoulder as he passed to go to the back. As soon as he had left, Shitty’s face was splitting into a smile that unsettled Lardo.

“What?” she asked.

“Just wait for it.” He crossed his arms and stood beside her.

“Oh my GOD!” came from the other room, and the two of them rushed to the doorway. “Yes! Yes yes yes,” Bitty said as he rushed at Jack.

“Holy shit,” Lardo said, looking to Shitty. “You knew.”

He shrugged. “Jack needed logistics help.”

“We’re getting married!” Bitty squealed. He hugged Jack again, then turned to Shitty and Lardo, unsure where to go with all of his excitement.

Lardo moved forward to hug him, then gave Jack a hug as well. “Congrats,” she said, smiling genuinely at him.

Though, she wished she hadn’t had a mental breakdown only five minutes prior about her love life. It would have been nice to not have that memory currently clouding her brain as she watched her best friends be newly engaged.

“I call Lardo for best man,” Bitty said.

“Then I call Shitty,” Jack said with an eye roll. “We can do this in a civilized manner.”

“Love you guys, too,” Lardo said with a laugh, pulling them both into a hug. “Anything you guys need. I’m there.”

She felt Shitty join the hug from behind, felt his height and his warmth. If she never told him she loved him, eventually he would find someone else. He would move on. He would be married in a different life, with someone that wasn’t her. They were together or they weren’t, and she had never thought about how pressing that would someday become.

But for now, she held them together. She congratulated them louder. It wasn’t the time for a full-blown anxiety attack.

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **_I Do, 2018_ **
> 
> Assorted flowers, glitter, crepe paper, wood.

 

Lardo sat back on a random table, beer in hand, and watched her friends and strangers dance. Holster and Ransom were jumping up and down with Chowder, Whisky and Tango coming over to join with fresh drinks. Shitty had gotten wrangled into dancing with one of Bitty’s cousins children, who he was twirling around with abandon as she squealed happily. Bitty and Jack were slow dancing despite the fast tempo, whispering things Lardo could only begin to imagine.

The wedding had turned out beautifully, and she felt so full in her heart. The arch had been as beautiful as she had hoped for it to be, despite nearly having a total mental breakdown only a week ago.

Shitty had come to pick her up from the art studio she managed, where she also sometimes used the massive back room to do projects too big for their apartment. She had been taking off and reapplying crepe details for the last hour, and it wasn’t looking the way she wanted—magical, effortless.

“It’s shaping up nicely, Lards,” Shitty said, coming up behind.

“No, it’s horrible,” she said, pulling at her hair. “It needs to be _perfect._ And I can’t get it to, _UGH!”_

Shitty came up behind her and wrapped his arms around. She fell into his chest, closing her eyes, and took a deep breath.

“I know I’m crazy,” she said.

“You’re being crazy,” he agreed. “It’s going to be perfect, because you’re crazy talented, but you need to take a break tonight. So, we’re going home.”

 _Home_ , the place the two of them cohabited. The place that they shared, where they were practically boyfriend and girlfriend in everything but name. That place.

But despite all of that, the day had turned out nearly perfect. Besides for a last minute snafu with the floral arrangements, the day had been drama free.

Dex fell down into the chair next to her, and she gave him a happy, buzzed smile. His face was strangely blank, and she sat up a little.

“Dude, are you good?” she asked. Out of their friend group, Dex may be the one she sometimes felt the furthest away from, but she held a special place in her heart specifically because he had a nasty habit of repressing his feelings in the same unhealthy way she sometimes did. “You look totally wigged out.”

“Nursey and I just made out in a broom closet?” he asked.

Lardo nearly spat out her drink. Her head was thrown back in laughter, and she patted his leg supportively. “Get in line, I already caught Holster and Ransom in the bridal suite like an hour ago.” Dex groaned, and Lardo watched him rub his face. “Do you like him?”

Dex paused, then groaned again, then nodded.

Lardo shrugged. “Ever consider telling him?” she asked.

He tilted his head, and she couldn’t decipher what it was he was pondering. She felt like she could see the cogs moving behind his forehead. “Fuck it. Yeah. I should do that,” he said. He pushed up from the chair, squaring his shoulders. Then before he left he turned back to Lardo. “Thanks, by the way. Ever consider taking your own advice?”

She watched him go, her mouth propped open in shock. Dex was on a rampage to tell Nursey how he felt, and she was sitting, watching, letting her life fly by her. Maybe she _should_ take some of her own advice.

 

 

In the end, he was the one to find her a half hour later as she stood out on the deck attached to the reception space. It was slightly chilly with her bare shoulders as her strapless black dress left her open, but it was nice after the heavy heat of the room.

“There you are,” he said. “I’ve been looking for you. Why didn’t you come dance?”

“I needed a second to breathe,” she said as he leaned on the railing next to her. His shoulder brushed against her own.

“It’s been a wild day,” he said. “Beautiful.”

“Beautiful,” she agreed with a small nod.

The two watched the lawn for a while, nothing much happening in the darkness. Her fingers twitched, begging for something to do. It would be the perfect moment for a joint. Especially considering her anxiety was racing.

“What happened with us?” she asked, finding that courage she had given Dex earlier. She twisted, leaning her upper arm against the railing so she could face him full on. “Why aren’t we together?”

“I thought…” He turned toward her, trying to find answers in her expression. “I thought you didn’t want anything serious back then. I didn’t want to weigh you down. And now, fuck man, I guess I was just waiting for you to be ready.”

“You’re fucking kidding me,” she said, staring in awe at him. She took a step forward and banged her head into his chest. “We’re so _stupid._ ”

His hands grasped the sides of her face, tilting it upward. When they made eye contact, Lardo could tell he was serious.

“Why are we stupid?” His eyes were so beautiful up close.

She took a deep breath. “Because I loved you, and I love you, and I will always fucking love you.”

The second she had finished he was pushing forward, bridging the gap between them fully. It felt like coming home, as if she had been adrift for so long and finally she was safe again. She had gotten a taste years ago and finally this was all hers without conditions. Her arms came up around his neck, and his hands moved down to her waist.

A breeze blew past, but Lardo was so warm from the feeling of Shitty’s lips that she barely noticed. His lips started to quirk upwards, and Lardo pulled back to breathe.

“You’re smiling!”

“I’m happy!” he exclaimed, reaching out to grab onto her hands.

“Happy enough to burst?” she asked, smiling at his chuckle. “You want to do this? 100%? No holding back. You and me?”

He nodded, bringing up her hands to kiss them. “I would literally want nothing more. I love you. Incredibly, fully, in every way fucking possible.”

“We’re so sappy,” she said, though she was smiling.

“I’ve been waiting to tell you that since the day I met you,” Shitty said. “Let me be sappy just this once.”

She reached up on tiptoes, tugging down his neck, and kissed him again. Fiercely, trying to convey everything she felt. She deserved his love and he deserved the world and she kissed him harder. Pulling back, she kissed his chin and his cheek before moving back to his lips.

When she pulled back, she sighed. Content. “If I could reach higher, I’d kiss you more.”

“Larissa Duan!” he yelled out, grabbing her around the waist and twirling her around. “I fucking love you.”

The porch door flung open, and Ransom was smiling at them widely. “I’m real pumped this whole wall is glass so we all got to see this, super pumped about all of it really, but Bitty and Jack need you guys so they can do cake.”

“Come on darling,” Shitty said as he offered her his arm, “our friends need us.”

She slapped it away, and he began moving toward the door. “No pet names,” she called after him, sharing an eye roll with Ransom.

“He’s going to be unbearable for a little while,” Ransom said through a smile, laughing along.

“Yeah,” she said, watching him as he moved through the crowd—clapping shoulders and smiling. “Thank God I love him.”

 

 

They stood in front of the building, holding hands, and watched Jack and Bitty drive away.

Shitty bent down, his breath ghosting over her ear. “So, your room or mine?”

“Lead the way,” she said back. He tugged her arm, and she followed.

 

 

The elevator door closed, and she pushed him against the wall. Cameras be screwed. 

"You'll never stop being perfect, fuck," he said between kisses, his voice rough and ragged. It did things to her stomach. 

She wrapped one leg around his waist to get closer, and then the elevator was taking so long he ended up hoisting her up against the elevator wall as they made out. It gave her the advantage to finally attack his neck. Her teeth nipped at his skin. 

"Are you giving me a hickey?" he asked in a breathless laugh. 

"Marking my territory," she said seriously. 

He kissed her lips before pulling back. "I'm all yours, Duan." His eyes were serious, deep, and she felt like everything she had waited for was perfectly in place. 

The elevator opened, and she jumped back to her feet. "Come on," she said. "We have lost time to make up on." 

 

 

 

 

 

> **_Sweet As 2.0, 2018_ **
> 
> Spray paint on drywall.

 

“God, you’ve fucking outdone yourself with this one, Bits.” Shitty groaned as he took another bite, and Lardo kicked him under the table to get him to control himself.

“There are children, please contain your rated R sounds,” Lardo said.

“I can send you guys home with one,” Bitty said. He tapped the table, standing up. “I need to get back to work, but if you guys need anything just let me know.”

“Love you, Bitty!” Lardo called after him, sending a kiss in his direction.

She turned back to Shitty, surrounded by her artwork that spread across the wall behind him. Their legs intertwined underneath the table, and he smiled at her.

“Would you like more, darling?” he asked, holding out a bite on his fork.

She pointed her own fork in his direction. “No fucking pet names! I cannot repeat myself again.”

He rolled his eyes. “You’re no fun.”

She watched as he took another bite. His hair needed a bit of a trim, his face was a little tired, but he exuded joy. She didn’t have to hide that she loved him, and that was the best feeling in the world.

“I’m coming in,” she said, moving to his side of the table to sit next to him. She kissed his lips briefly.

He moved an arm around her shoulders. “What are you thinking about?” he asked as they watched Bitty working behind the counter with the new employees.

She shrugged. “Just us and everything. How you’re kinda my favorite art.”

He kissed her hairline. “Dude, that's such a compliment.”

“Shitty?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” She breathed in the scent of him and held it close. He was solid and real—hers—beside her.

“I know,” he said. “I love you, too. Like infinitely.”

She reached up and kissed his lips, letting herself fall into it. She was still learning how to relish in it all, how to accept all his love with no exceptions and restrictions. It was the best gift she had ever received, and it just kept giving.

“I know,” she said, patting his leg as she pulled back. “Now, I’m going to go sit on the other side of the table again because I really don’t want to be that fucking couple.”

“Good call,” Shitty said. “I hate that couple.”

She reached out and took the last bite of pie, ignoring the betrayed look Shitty gave her. He rolled his eyes, smiled back at her, let her have it. Lardo thought she could get into this being in love thing. It was kinda fucking awesome.

**Author's Note:**

> guess which character is my self-insert. find me on tumblr at [anniebibananie](http://anniebibananie.tumblr.com/)


End file.
